Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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