i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
