Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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