We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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