From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so let's talk penis.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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