after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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