I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
