shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
