it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
