Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
