Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
