wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
