yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
