he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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