He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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