I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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