My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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