Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
