I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
