Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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