i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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