May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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