i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
