Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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