it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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