God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Houston, we have a blender
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
