I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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