It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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