Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
