I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
