it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
