never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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