His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
