So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize