Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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