i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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