I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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