Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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