make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
