Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
