Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
