It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you would pick up someone in the library
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
