I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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