he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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