so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize