Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
