We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sorry about my life...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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