I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
