and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
