Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
