I just saw a hot homeless man
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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