4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
