So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
