Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
