It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize