Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
