Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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