my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
