I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
