so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
