I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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