He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
