Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
