I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
