I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
