Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
