you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
