..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
