totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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