Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
