Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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