I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I deserve this hangover.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
