Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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