lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
