So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
