I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
