Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
