Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
