Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
