he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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