btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
