does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
