I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
