I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
