it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Terrible idea I love it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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