I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize